Jesus and Julie: Crucifixion, defect perception, and anger as fantasy protection

It’s always a nice day for undoing, isn’t it? Jesus gets the italics in this conversation.

We begin with a song:

Why do you always pick songs that make me cry like a baby?

Gotta soften you up before the kill. Bring up all of the old roles and then allow them to unravel, notice all the perceived limits and then see right through them. I’m walking you to Golgotha. Are we going to a crucifixion or a resurrection? You decide.

I had to look Golgotha up. Geez. I am wary of crucifixion, but even as I say that I can sense I am lying. As I am identified as ego, I can see how I want crucifixion. Unending crucifixion seen and experienced is the only thing that can distract me from the everpresent Love. I can choose resurrection, but I feel unworthy and doubtful. I doubt that this Winnie Foster pattern will ever be escaped.

Your feelings of doubt and unworthiness just highlight your dedication to crucifixion perception. Give thanks that you can see you are attaching to insanity. Having attached to insanity, is there any other choice than letting it go?

There isn’t.

I’m here to walk you through the terror that is actually nothing at all. That’s why I can walk you through, completely unmoved. Everyone has such a guide, no exceptions. Let’s look at where you are attaching.

I’m mad about stupid things.

Let’s look at the stupid things.

I’m mad about Helen Schucman. I’ve heard people talk about her and analyze her. They think they can know her defects, and that’s the silliest thing ever.

This is going to be the easiest thing ever. So look at someone flapping her yapper about Helen Schucman.

I want you to say, “Flapping his yapper. ” I want to be sexist.

That’s why I’m saying “her.”

I think men have particularly stupid qualities. I’m convinced. Assholes. In fact, I think they totally don’t get it.

I appreciate your honesty. Am I a man?

Nope.

So is one you see as a man actually a man?

No, damn it. I don’t like this. I need someone to accuse. You’re taking my toys away. I’m going to be bored without toys.

You’re damn right I’m taking your toys away, but only when you let me. It’s more like I’ll receive whatever you give me. Doesn’t that sound nice?

I’m done with nice.

I can see that.

I’m done with fake good girl-ery. Fuck it.

I’m glad to see that. Let’s back up. “They think they can know her defects.” Bring that closer to Home. I know you can do it.

I think I can see their defects. That’s true, because they just don’t fucking get it. There I go again. But yes. I think I can see their defects. I think their defect is not getting it. But they should see Helen as she Is!

Shoulds don’t work very well.

They should.

You can keep bringing it Home.

I can see Helen as she Is, no matter what anyone seems to say. I can see anyone who talks about Helen exactly as they Are, no matter what they seem to say. That feels better, but I don’t want to admit it.

And there’s more.

Fuck it. When I look upon someone who seems to be analyzing Helen, thereby feeding upon her image, I am analyzing that one, thereby feeding on their image.

And?

And on my image of Helen as a victim. It doesn’t matter who the victim is, as long as I can keep seeing one. I’m a fucking vampire.

Your invention is a vampire. It isn’t real, but its function is to send you thought so you will identify with and as it. Its function is to get you to see everything as broken up into bits, so when you listen to its thoughts, you see all of these everyone “elses,” and they all seem to be attached to ego, too. To the extent you see an “other” as attached to ego, you’re attached to ego.

I really hate hearing that. I know it’s my freedom, though. I have been so grateful to see this along the way. It’s just that when I get shown the deeper layer of my attachment that I’m ready to see now, I get discouraged.

That’s why I am here. This is your chance to let go of an open manacle. It’s not holding you. You’re holding it.

Okay, so let’s dig in. That Helen-analyzer over there is helping me. I know this! I know this! How can I know this and not know this?!

Just deeper layers and letting go. We’re moving through this. You applied this to some things, and it helped so much. You applied it to more things, and it helped even more. You came to the intellectual understanding that there could never be any exceptions, and that made you very happy. You came to see that the light you Are is in all of your divine siblings, and that made you very happy. Now you’re actually applying the teaching that there aren’t any exceptions. There isn’t anywhere for ego to hide. It feels harder and more stubborn, but letting it go brings much relief.

Okay, that Helen analyzer over there isn’t over there. That Helen analyzer only appears in the guise of a Helen analyzer because I thought I needed people to show up in roles that contrast with what I think my role is. I can decide that my role and the role of everyone perceived to be else is in the hands of Spirit, forever.

Wise choice.

I can let them all go. I can let them all be free. That’s my freedom.

You can indeed.

That includes you.

It does.

Okay.

Where are the men now?

They showed up exactly as I requested them to show up, because I needed to show up as not-them so badly. I can let go of that need.

That’s always the most helpful thing. How it translates to action or speech or neither is up to the moment. I’d like you to look at the idea of your anger or someone else’s anger. What are you protecting with the sight of your anger or someone else’s anger?

I’m protecting the sight and sound of agitation everywhere so I can keep blocking Love out. In this way, I want agitation everywhere. I want my fantasy instead of Reality. I will fight to the death to keep my fantasy, and believing in anger as real keeps that fantasy in place.

That was easy. That Helen work softened you up. Do we have a thank you for the Helen analyzer?

No, we don’t. I have a thank you that I’m eventually going to feel gratitude, but I’m not feeling it now.

Are you feeling anything in particular right now?

I’m feeling neutral, and that feels much better than feeling like the Queen of Knowing What’s Wrong with Everybody. Also better than feeling like the Queen of Knowing Who is Being Hurt by Whom and Why.

Yeah, awful jobs. Do you like the job of seeing what everyone Is?

I’m afraid I can’t do it.

What if you didn’t have to do it?

That would be lovely.

Is it okay to just allow it?

I’m afraid it’s not possible.

Would you let me show you?

Yes

So here we are, on a bright sunny day, skipping along the path to Golgotha. Are we skipping to crucifixion or resurrection?

We’re skipping to maybe the possibility that resurrection is Real.

I’ll take it. What if your anger were a meaningless facade, meaningless to everyone around you because what you Are shines so brightly?

It’s interesting to see that I feel the loss of a tool there. Anger as a tool to keep separation perception in place. I can see how I am actively working to keep separation perception in place.

And where you can see that you are working to keep separation perception in place…

Then I can let it go. I have to admit to what I am doing first. I have to see what I am attempting. If anger is a meaningless facade, then it’s easy to see through it. If I can see through the meaningless facade of anger, I can see through the meaningless facade of other seemingly pleasant forms the ego would have me think are real. I can’t call anger wrong. That gets me stuck.

I got really mad at someone on Facebook who seemed to be judging the experiences of others.

Any gratitude available there?

Some. But I want help seeing. There seems to be this moment of shame when I have to admit that I’m trying to judge his experiences.

Ego functions as designed. So lures are cast to keep you loyal to it. Shame is one such lure. It’s a lure of your invention, which has never been Real.

It’s getting easier to see that.

When you see that consistently, you don’t get lured away from the sight of what you Are. This sibling who seemed to want to judge the experiences of others–are you willing to see this one as he Is? Here’s what this question really means: Are you willing to see you Self as you Are?

In this moment, yes. I feel that I can rest where we are joined. I feel as if I have always been here, in this quiet, prior to the story.

So take this quiet prior to the story with you today, and don’t be afraid to see it everywhere in everyone and everything. It’s safe to see a clear reflection of your Self everywhere. There is no threat to you in this. Go in peace.