The Relationship Process
Day 9 – Accepting healing to hear guidance
You are fully worthy of ease. So all are others.
If you take time to notice how relationships are structured, you can see many expectations of one another. Look at the ideas of obligation, of trying, of effort, of living up to standards. You don’t actually need any of these ideas to thrive in relationship, but you think you need these things because you attach to fear first. Fear tells you that you need things from others, and you believe it. Your power is your power of belief.
Every time someone who appears to be other doesn’t live up to your expectations, it’s reflecting back to you that you have unfair expectations of yourself. The interaction is showing you that you are caging yourself with your expectations.
It looks like this: If they could be good enough, then you could be happy. The truth of them, however, is that they are good enough–right now. Are you willing to see them that way? The only reason you see them as not good enough is that you are not seeing yourself as good enough. If you find this hard to believe, search your thoughts for 24 hours. Notice when a thought of your not being good enough comes in. It is because these thoughts plague you that you seek relief in seeing and experiencing “not good enough” outside of what you perceive to be yourself.
You require others to show up in your lives in roles of “not good enough” only because you see yourself that way, and seeing yourself that way is painful. Projecting a world in which the “not good enough” seems to be present in the other, and not yourself, is an attempt to escape from that pain.
This is why the only one who needs forgiveness is you–because you are seeing all others as flawed only to hide from what you think of yourself.
We invite you to take the shortcut whenever you are interacting with another and perceive a flaw. Know deeply that right now is your opportunity to accept healing, and it truly is all about you, no matter how much it looks like it’s about the other. The pain you feel is always because you believe a lie ego sends you about “not good enough.” Ego is the source of all pain–both physical and emotional. Pain is always a helpful alert to let you know you are believing a lie.
The more you come to see pain as a helpful alert, the more you are willing to explore what you are believing. The more willingness you have to explore what you are believing, the fewer alerts you need. When you commit to interpreting pain as the signal that it is time to allow ego to dissolve, you may find at first that you feel more pain. This is because you have been quickly distracting away from pain by making judgments of conditions and characters within this healing drama. If you are willing to feel the pain that you have been distracting away from through projection, know that you have unlimited help in facing the pain and allowing it to dissolve. The pain is temporary, and your willingness to feel it without running away is your freedom.
Knowing this, take a look at the healing drama you are projecting. In this drama, locate where you have an expectation of a character.
I expect the kids to demonstrate a reasonable level of politeness.
So you have identified the character or characters in the healing drama with whom you will be working in thought. Thank the healing being(s):
[Name(s)], thank you for working with me in thought today.
What happens when the kids don’t demonstrate a reasonable level of politeness? What happens when characters in the healing drama seem to not fulfill your expectations?
How do you feel?
How do you act toward the healing beings?
What do you believe about yourself or your life?
Now go back to the original perception. In this example, the kids did not demonstrate a reasonable level of politeness. State your expectation and how it seems someone else did not fulfill it.
I expected _____________________. It seems that [Name] did not _____________________.
In the example, ego offered the belief that the kids did not demonstrate a reasonable level of politeness. You feel pain whenever you accept a lie that ego sends you. Find a judgmental statement about the healing being that seemed or still seems true, based on the expectation that was not fulfilled.
[Name] is _____________________.
The temptation, once you believe the lie, is to blame those who seem other. In the case of this example, it seems to be the kids. The ego keeps you in separation perception and sends thoughts to keep this mode of perception running. You have to believe the thoughts to keep the separation perception running, however.
You can use the power you are to question ego’s lies. Let’s say that you have judged a healing being as unkind. You just need a gentle switch to see the truth. Ego is unkind. Ego is what fosters the entire perception of unkindness. If you are seeing unkindness in others, it’s a 100% guarantee that in some way you believe that you are unkind, and you are fleeing from this perception by seeing it in others.
In order to accept the healing that is offered to you, you must give up the role of victim, but that’s okay. The role of victim is only something the ego offered to you, and it was just another lie.
Returning to the example of unkindness, if you find yourself comparing yourself to another and finding yourself kind next to their unkindness, it’s a 100% guarantee that you believe that you are unkind in some way. If you don’t believe this, then simply be aware of every thought that crosses your mind for 24 hours. Do you notice any thoughts about your own unkindness? Those are ego lies, too, but you attempt to escape from them by accepting additional lies about the unkindness of others.
Thought comes first. Thoughts are believed. Then experience comes to “prove” the truth of egoic thoughts.
Once you see how you are the power that keeps the separation perception running, you see the key to your freedom. The voice of ego is the voice of instability. The experience of this world requires instability as a foundation. When you choose to listen to the voice of ego, you choose the experience of instability.
There is another alternative, however. There are two sets of thoughts you can hear. You can learn to distinguish between painful thoughts and loving thoughts. You can learn to invite the loving voice to take over from the voice of pain. How do you make the loving voice louder and more obvious?
First, you take all of the healing opportunities that come to you. Thank the healing being who has partnered with you in helping you to see this:
[Name], thank you for helping me to see that ____________________ (quality like unkindness or cruelty) is of the ego and not of you. Thank you for helping me see that ________________ is of the ego and not of me. I know that my mind is communicating lovingly with your mind in this moment, and this will help me with our future interactions.
Now focus upon that other voice. There is a loving voice who is always available to guide you lovingly through what you are experiencing now. It’s the voice of your True Self. The voice of your True Self will tell you exactly what to say, where to go, and what to do. You are accustomed to turning to ego as a guide. You are always being told what to say, what to do, and where to go. The question is, what or who are you using as a guide?
The ego is a what. It’s something you made as a guide to maintain separation perception. It blocks the voice of your True Self, and it suggests a series of thoughts to you about who you are as a separate one. This set of thoughts, seen as one separate unit of personality structure, is the small and vulnerable self with whom you are in the habit of identifying. You think the ego’s picture of you is you.
The more you recognize the voice of ego and the more you recognize emotional and physical pain as an indicator that you are believing ego’s lies, the quieter ego’s voice will seem. When you turn down the volume on ego, the volume on the guidance coming from your True Self gets turned up. As you follow the guidance of your True Self, the voice of ego diminishes even more. The time will come when you will see no value at all in ego’s voice, and that is when you will stop hearing it.
During your healing, there will be times of intense pain as you allow what you have ignored to be revealed. There will be times when you turn back toward ego temporarily as a guide because you allow doubt or uncertainty to take over, but those times will be so painful that you will stop looking to ego for answers. You will learn how truly painful it is by allowing yourself to feel that pain. You will know that reliance on ego is the only way it is possible to experience pain, so you will stop.
Remember that we are always here, and we are always lighting the way to the loving thoughts that will guide you.
So let’s remember how deserving all of the healing beings are of our gratitude because they show you so very clearly how you are looking to ego to define them.
Thank you, [Name], for showing me how ego operates in my life. I am willing to see you shine underneath the mask that I have projected upon you. As I am willing to allow your mask to fall away, I am willing to release my own.
When you ask your loving thoughts to tell you who everyone is, you will see how they always shine under the masks you project upon them. If you are willing to see others shine, you are willing to see yourself shine among them as their equal. Then the masks fall off because there is no value in them anymore.
Recognize the power of the mind work you have done today, and you recognize the power that always belongs to all:
My work is perfect, whole and complete today.