This is me–this is just the Julie voice, and oh, motherfucker does it hurt. I cannot distract myself away from it or pretend or…I just wanted to capture this moment because…there are not enough expletives in any human language to do it justice.
Ouch. Fucking. Pain. If I make any story at all out of it I just hold onto that pain as who I am, and I see it clearly for the insanity that it is now.
This is all stuff that arises between us. We judge another, and then we define ourselves in comparison. We have held onto pain intentionally. Every time I have an epiphany and see things with new clarity, that doesn’t mean that I don’t act the same.
So then I go back to daily life with old patterns that really need to go, and it is so obvious. Once I’ve seen…well, I just can’t. I just can’t anymore. I can’t operate from those old patterns without extreme pain.
This is a good thing. We’re happy to be nonphysical because of your thoughts of throwing things at us.
You don’t touch a hot stove because it hurts. You want a new way of seeing, and you’re getting it. Once you see, you can’t unsee. No backsies. You have no choice but to move forward, so you do.
Why have we written all these things about release, release, release if not for this moment? Yes, you were releasing at the time we wrote them together, but today feels like RELEASE. So rejoice. (We’re ducking.)
Please do swear as much as you need to. Throw things. It won’t last long because you see through it. You are not that pain. You are not patterns of reactivity.
Isn’t it interesting that you didn’t need a catastrophic experience to bring this up for you? All experiences serve us, but you’re willing to be served–to find ways of releasing–without the side of catastrophe because you know that it’s for you. In allowing yourself to go through this, you’re being selfish in a really good way. You’re being Selfish in the sense of the whole Self.
No, you are not undergoing pain because you are sacrificing for others and willing to feel this pain. That’s laughable now. Everyone with a firmly established separate identity holds onto the very same pain.
I get confused thinking I’m releasing someone else’s pain, and I get angry.
It’s not really that way at all. You’re seeing through the partitions you have put up between yourself and others in the form of judgment, and it can be very painful now to react along old patterns of judgment. That’s all it is. Once you have come out of your own confusion, yes, you can be more helpful to others, but you are not taking on their confusion now as a sort of favor to them later. You are only dealing with what you have defined as your own.
The pain flares up immediately after encounters with others, and it feels and tastes like their personal pain and struggles because that’s where your separate self is resonant with theirs. This is the part people are very afraid to see. They would do almost anything not to see this part. We fear to see the part of what we have built up as a separate self that is resonating and vibrating in tune with the dysfunction we think is over there, far away from us.
It’s much better to just see and feel that resonance and to know you’re willing to release the dependence on pain and fear.
It’s like you’re been living in a world where everyone hits themselves in the face with wooden planks, three times per hour (it’s actually much more than that). Everyone does it. It’s the very rare one who does it only once or twice per hour.
Suddenly, you realize that IT HURTS! IT HURTS, to operate “normally,” even though you were convinced at a very young age that it was necessary. You still catch yourself the moment after you have smacked yourself. (To mentally smack another is to smack yourself.) You still catch yourself picking up the plank.
Now that you’re allowing yourself to feel how it feels, how much longer can it continue? It can’t. It’s just too obvious that it’s painful. This is good news.
We appreciate your willingness to write at the peak of the intensity because how many spiritual awakening stories tie it all up in a happily ever after? It’s a happily ever after once we finish our work together. We’re bringing that into being right now, and sometimes it’s very intense.
It’s a happily ever after when everyone on the planet and the planet itself–when everything is a reflection of the happily ever after. In the meantime, honesty is key. Vulnerability is helpful.
And yes, there are plenty of happy, blissful moments to be had along the way.
Aren’t we creating a time delay here? If it’s okay to approach this as a process, aren’t I blocking off possibilities for healing that could occur very quickly and be very powerful?
Not if you’re looking at it that way, you’re not. You’re already seeing it as being run by you along with us, in resonance. You’re already seeing a flexibility and immense power available to us as we create. Your sense of playfulness is coming back.
Meet your own moments of intensity with compassion, and you’ll be able to do the same for others. Remember your willingness to release when you are able, and you’ll continue on with the process of transforming the Earth drama into harmony. It’s all happening right now, and it’s all right. It appears to happen in successive moments in the timeline. Whatever is happening right now, it’s all right.