I woke up wondering why I felt like I was boiling in oil, emotionally speaking. I indulged in a few moments of, “Well, if you think you’ve come so far spiritually, why does it seem at this moment as if you have stuffed up life completely and have no idea how to live?”
There’s a key in that. I, the separated I, has no idea how to live and tends to stuff up human experience. It is constructed of fear and brings fear into our experience as a means of promised control and stability that never fully materializes.
As we begin to awaken to the effects of identification with this I of fear, and to simultaneously discover the true and joined I of love that has been there all along, in and through everyone, we start to realize what we do not want. In others words, we feel deeply. That which was not painful for us before because we were heavily distracted by serving the needs and the demands of the separate I–well, now that very same thing feels unbearable for us.
So it is good that I am able to feel that I am boiling in oil and suffering intensely. On the pathway Home, if I temporarily turn around and seek old comforts and distractions that take me further into fear, I want that to feel excruciating. If I look at my feelings as a simple guidance system, it is easy to follow them because I now know how to turn back in the direction of Love–to re-enter the quiet, the stillness, to remember that there are nonphysicals surrounding me at every moment, very willing to help. Their only requirement is my own willingness to heal.
Here’s what they told me about this morning:
We are here to help you remove the thorn from your foot. In order to do so, you need to realize there is a thorn in your foot, stop your activity, and allow us to take it from you.
We are happy to take it from you. This thorn is fear. Its roots are deep. You are allowing us ever deeper, with each moment and day of willingness. When you access a new layer of depth, one you have been unwilling to see before, you may flee in terror. Running back on the pathway, however, feels nothing like comfort–the comfort we are able to provide. Therefore you quite sensibly turn around again and walk further into the awareness of fear’s effects, delivering more of it unto us.
We know what to do with fear, since it is truly insubstantial. You have no idea what to do with it, although you have built buildings and civilizations out of it. You say, “Here, have this. It is completely useless to me.” And we gladly remove it from your experience.
You step forward in love, toward Love. That feels much better. The fact that this is so simple can be a great comfort to you. The harshly negative feelings are you accessing a new layer of separate-I dysfunction, perhaps fleeing in terror a bit (although not always), and ultimately leaving fear behind on the pathway. It means you are going deeper, willingly, and we thank you for that.