This is a draft from a couple of weeks ago that I just found. Now, rereading it, I understand what was happening.
I thought I was okay with crying. I have four kids. Holding small people while they cry is one of my regular activities. How could I not be okay with weeping? I cry easily at movies and when moved.
I was hiding, though. I was hiding from some of my deepest memories regarding crying, and I had the opportunity to let those go today.
Within the past few days, I have flat out wiped out in my living room twice, tripping over toys both times. In nearly thirteen years of being a parent, I cannot remember this happening before. Somehow I have maintained my balance in the toy chaos. Now I’m sporting two skinned knees–one for each fall, and I feel like a child again.
Now I just have a faint pink marks on each knee, and I truly appreciate what that trip back into childhood did for me. It helped me access some of my earliest fears–to feel them and release them. Doing that opened me up more to the moment-by-moment co-creation from harmony experience that is available to all of us right now.
In other words, my purpose is to bring peace to earth. I know that now, and I’m less crazy than I was when I attached to fear as a small child. Clearing out those last bits of fear helped bring me Home to who I am. Now I’m in the process of getting comfy with it, realizing when I’m heading back to old patterns, correcting course. Listening. Being.
I think I’ve well and truly left Team Fear. Now I’m going through orientation on Team Harmony. Everyone on Team Fear is actually on Team Harmony, only they don’t know it. So Team Harmony’s job is to wake everyone up, to be there as they wake up, to soothe and help them reorient to who they are, to who we, collectively, are. We are. That’s the stability of us. That’s the stability of Love.
Once we realize this, we can bring peace to earth. We can create heaven on earth.
Back to the falling, I really didn’t like those experiences. I felt ashamed and embarrassed, but that is what those experiences brought right to the top–my shame and embarrassment. Because I knew about Team Harmony (my teachers, my imaginary friends–remember that you’re imaginary, too), I knew that something bigger than the falling was happening, and I should let myself cry and snort and laugh until I was done.
All negative emotion is related to our moment of separation from the Whole. We don’t feel safe in the Whole now, and we don’t rely on it to guide us because we feel we have done something wrong and unforgivable and truly damaging by separating from it. All we did was to block our awareness of well-being. So we stay in this fear sinkhole and rely on a sense of separate self-control to run us.
We can set it down now. Whatever it burdening or troubling us–we can set it down. There is help available, and it is yourself. It is your true and unified Self of harmony. It’s love, and nothing within this illusion can conquer it.
If you’re going through an experience of temporarily feeling conquered, know that it’s for you. It’s bringing emotion about separating from the Whole of All right to the top of your awareness. From there, you can release back into the Whole. You can return to your family. It’s a conduit to return Home. Now it doesn’t seem so bad, no matter how it looks in form.
Returning Home keeps you here in form where you can do a lot of good. It keeps you with all of your loved ones, only now you just love everyone. If I had people around me explaining what was happening as I went through this release…it would have really helped! But I did. I had my teachers (internal moments of thank you here). I had books. I had people online who were receiving glimmers, too. I had my loving physical family.
Now it’s time for a big sigh of relief and appreciation. I’ll be honest here. Also disbelief! I’m still astounded. Fear hasn’t left me entirely, but now that the big picture has snapped into place, it’s much easier to allow the release of memories of fear, to notice when I pick fear up as a tool, and to gently set it down again.