The illusion that you are projecting from consciousness is hypnotic. It seems very real. It is very convincing. The special effects are great here!
Behind each human is a beautiful, radiant, powerful creator who is nothing but love. They have forgotten themselves. They don’t know who they are are. They don’t know that their true power is always harmless because the Whole would never harm the Whole.
Each one of you is the Whole. You are a representative of the Whole, the All of All, that is expressing through form.
In your creative expression, you made an innocent mistake when you invented fear–a sense of distinct separation from what is Whole–as an experiential medium. You picked up the fear and used it to fashion a separate, vulnerable self in opposition to and in competition with other separate and vulnerable selves in a threatening and unstable terrain.
You, a very powerful and loving creator, picked up the fear and used it to fashion a self who, in the story, could be victimized or harmed.
Holding onto this fear, you created a series of experiences. In these experiences, it was possible to suffer–to feel cut off from the knowledge that you are Whole and joined harmoniously to all others lovingly, in eternity.
That is why each experience, no matter how horrific it appears, no matter how much a victim story makes compassionate sense to you, no matter how young the creator in human form–each experience is chosen by the Self. The Self, a loving and loved benign creator always, held onto this fear, this separate identity, and created experience for itself by reacting with thought to each happening within the illusion.
Imagine becoming trapped in a virtual reality game, respawning and respawning as different characters, never knowing that the real you is perfectly safe and always Whole, sitting in an armchair with the goggles on.
You are playing and playing and playing through successive incarnations–suffering deeply at times and blaming the other innocent and loving creators sitting in safety with their goggles on.
Wow, this makes perfect sense to me now. I’ve always both cherished and resented the spiritual awakenings I experienced in 2010 and 2015. In fact, when I think about one of those happening again, I get a little scared. I wonder if I will be destabilized again.
In the wake of both experiences I felt such oneness and joy. But at times, I felt such deep, deep fear and delusion. I didn’t understand that I was witnessing the deep and dark fear of separate identity that I had chosen in innocent error. (Otherwise known as sin.)
So what could be destabilized? Only my sense of separation, and that puppy took a hit both times. Those experiences weren’t something that just happened to me or that some authority decided I was ready for because I was good enough. I brought those experiences to myself through my great yearning for Home and remembrance of who I am, who everyone else is.
I wanted to know the stability that I was, and instead, in fear, I went to work hiding what I was experiencing and re-establishing the stability I thought I was, I thought I had. The world would look at this as returning to sanity. I now see that I tightened my grasp on fear so as not to veer out of control and harm others. I did not fully realize that this separate sense of control is what causes harm and suffering to appear within the illusion we are projecting from consciousness.
In trying to re-establish a stable day-to-day, I willingly picked up that fear I set down in joy. I lost that immediate and sustained sense of Oneness and joy, but I could never forget it. I knew we were One, but I still didn’t understand my role in picking up the fear.
I remember believing that I was a patient in a coma, and you, my loving family, were gathered around me telling me it was safe to wake up. But it wasn’t the family I knew. It wasn’t the family I thought I needed to care for. I want to say, “You know, Family, you could have explained the details to me a bit better,” but I know now that I don’t allow you to communicate fully to me out of such strong dedication to the separate self.
Now I can consciously withdraw my dedication to fear and separation. I can look around me and know what exists as the being who is powering the illusion of each separate self I see. I know now that it is possible to separate into form and to remain in complete harmony–this, without all the fear.
You are shifting from self-interest into Self-interest. Refreshing, is it not?
And safe. It feels safe now. It didn’t before. It felt fraught with drama. I remember thinking that you my Family were on a stormy ocean with me, beckoning me to get on your boat, but I didn’t believe I could go with you. I couldn’t leave my family. I was very firm about that. I had young children. How could I leave them? Even now, that feeling is with me. It’s a heavy sense of responsibility that we cherish and call love here. But we also know Love–that lighthearted and joyful sense of pure connection.
I remember the great joy of thinking, “I’m here! I made it! I have a name and an address now! This is incredible!” I also felt confused because I didn’t know what I meant by that, but I felt it down to my toes. I really was happy about coming into form, through the form of this woman.
Even now, I feel fear that giving up self-control in favor of Self-control is a great mistake. Will I become some kind of evil robot minion if I lose my perceived ability to keep everyone safe?
Have you lost your perceived ability to keep everyone safe?
Yes, I think I have. I see that I never did keep everyone safe. I was just scared and scrambling reactively within the illusion. I know now that the only true safety is in Love and our Wholeness, but I still fear.
You are still intentionally holding onto fear and a sense of separate identity because you believe it will bring you a stable experience within the illusion, but the difference now is that you see what you are doing. Let the seeing take care of everything. You don’t have to actually let go of anything. That is what frightens you–fear of loss, not knowing what will replace that perceived loss. The only thing you needed and wanted was correct perception. You are coming more deeply into that now. As fear subsides, you are letting go because you see that you can. You know where pain comes from now. It comes from clinging to the delusion of separate identity and trying to gain a sense of safety from it.
The only thing you fear losing is fear. You invented a thing (that isn’t really a thing–only a delusion) that wants to continue. You keep referring to this thing to tell you what you are, to tell you about the quality of you, to tell you what is happening. Think of separate identity as a reference book. You keep referring to it. That is all.
Now that you know it is a book of fear, you will naturally stop referring to it. If you catch yourself with your nose buried in it, you will laugh. You will walk away and continue.
You aren’t supposed to leave “here” or this body for some greater mission. Your work is here. First, it’s to wake up. Then it’s to share that awakening with others–not through effort, but through the simple joy of your very being. When you’re having a very good time here, people will wonder why. They will want to know for themselves.
In the wake of the 2015 blast of reality, I had a funny-to-me-now freakout about my name. Julie Boerst. Jesus Christ. It gave me the willies. Oh, no–you guys are NOT painting a target on my back! There is absolutely no way I am going through whatever it is I have to go through in order to live what that means. And I went back to rebuilding my tattered sense of identity so maybe no one would know I had gone crazy. Maybe, I thought, if I try hard enough, for my family, I won’t be crazy anymore. I’ve got to try. I’ve got to blend. I’ve got to get this blasted target off my back and off my mind.
Now I understand about putting the trying down and allowing the flow. In fact, after the 2010 blast of reality, I often thought to myself that my tryer broke. It’s still broken, but now I understand that’s a good thing.
I now understand that my name is simply a helpful pointer. I saw Jesus as the ultimate victim, and I didn’t want to be that. I also saw Jesus as a figurehead within a religion that seemed very unkind. I didn’t want to be that, either.
Now I understand the Christ as simply the intersection of everyone and everything within each being–the natural power center of the heart. It is benign, loving, not personal, and accessible to all. We see this living from the heart all the time within our human experience, and it is touching. It touches the heart of us. It feels right. There is no one who is not the Christ.
I don’t have to get this conceptually to live it. I only have to allow this happiness to express itself through me. Giving it to me conceptually is only a good means of communicating through my separate self at this time.
I don’t have to fear a simple invitation to live from the heart and to trust in what we truly are. Due to that fear thing, I am kind of rusty at living from the heart in a variety of ways, so now I am willing to learn from all those humans around me. They may not understand conceptually who and what we are, but each one is naturally skilled in allowing the flow of goodness and well-being into their lives in one way or another. I’m going to allow this variety of gifts from Home to teach me how to be here.
Yes, when you revere the true being in each of your brothers and sisters, when you appreciate them for who they are, you learn. You remember. They show you the ways that they are naturally loving, even if they don’t have a collection of concepts explaining their true state versus their false state. Learn from them. They are truly wise.
Photo by Dawid Sobolewski on Unsplash
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9.3 Forgetting to remember
Love's Beginning 