As I continue the release of fear, thought by thought, feeling by feeling, I am amazed at all the pieces of my perceived past that come bubbling up to the top.
Just keep letting go until there is nothing left to release.
Each thought, each feeling that rises to the surface was something you cherished as your very own self–a grievance, a judgment, a perception of blame. When the specter of that thought rose up within you for release, you innocently stuffed it back down, unwilling to feel pain, preferring to hide from it.
Now you are not recirculating the thoughts and feelings, maintaining a vision of a separate and vulnerable self. You are allowing that to dissolve. You are using those thoughts and feelings to see through the illusion of the self you thought you were.
The way you are allowing the false self to dissolve is by observing events, noticing reactions if they come, and reminding yourself of your willingness to release fear in all its forms. As the watcher of this process, you are aware that you are not that separate and vulnerable self. That was just a dream.
More and more, you understand response rather than reaction. The structure of what you once thought you were is crumbling, but it is not at all alarming because you are now firmly in touch with what you truly are–the simplicity of love, of stability, of beingness.
I now understand the great fear I felt alongside the great joy in the wake of spiritual awakenings in 2010 and 2015. There was this wonderful opportunity in the knowledge that we are all one, but also deep, deep fear in losing what I was still attached to–my separate identity.
Because of my experiences after these awakenings, I now feel I understand mental illness so much better. It is amazing to me that people who are labeled mentally ill are actually showing signs of moving away from our collective dysfunction toward true knowledge of who we are, but the pain-soaked world does not recognize what is happening. Instead, we try to pull people back to what we call normal. Understanding that this is a passage through–coming to know the dysfunction of separate self and ultimately agreeing to release the perception of it–what a relief!
Those who have made this journey are in a position to see how those suffering intensely from mental illness are confronting the insanity and deep fear of the separate self. It’s actually a journey away from insanity to sanity. On the way, you see clearly the dysfunction of the separate self. As more of you understand that this is a journey through, you can be truly supportive of your brothers and sisters who are moving toward true understanding of who we are, collectively.
Now when a negative thought surfaces, you can see it as a piece of the false self breaking free and coming into your awareness for release. Your job is simply to usher it out. Bathe it in the light of awareness. Be willing to feel it on the way out. Notice its effect. Notice that it’s not anything you want.
Over and over again, you are affirming that you know who you are and do not need to build a shaky false version of yourself. The part of you looking at the negative thought and meeting it with the light of love is Love itself. That’s who you are. In the light of that, the negative thought is entirely unnecessary as a guide. Love can take care of everything. In the light of your very own self (and the true self of all others, without exception), it is very easy to see the accumulation of negative thought built into the structure of a separate self as the innocent mistake it was.
Remember, as you encounter negative thoughts and contracted feelings, not to fear them as signs of dysfunction. These thoughts and feelings are on their way out, and you, as the awareness of love, are ushering them out of your experience. Celebrate, and appreciate your freedom.
Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
If you are reading the Love’s Beginning book, here is the next post:
3.2 Tripping on toys